Wake up! Wake up!! *tap tap tap*
[I was still sleeping around 11am]
Wake up jhoor! Tomiwa talk say we get test by 12pm. Lexychills said, just before he ran out with his towel to have his bath.
We all went for overnight reading the night before so its only normal that we sleep till 12pm, 1pm or even 2pm at times.
I stretched, got the coal out of my eyes and stretched again. Choi. The light coming from the window almost knocked me out. Wow the lazy sun is up and my hard working self is still sleeping, or maybe its the other way round. I looked around.
Hey! See this mumu systems! Systems wake up jhoor, wake u..(I paused and remembered his attitude lately) mtcheew if you like sleep till eternity.
I left for the bathroom and within 15minutes I was back, systems was still sleeping (okay let me pity him. I said to myself) revenge will come later.
I woke him up and told him about the test ishh. He also went to bath and soon he was back.
.....11:30am.....
We were all set for the test. Now it was time to leave the room and decide whether we'll trek to faculty of science or we'll trek to the car pack around first gate. Well the problem is Biobaku is kind of far from the two, But We had to choose one and worse still we had to choose fast. So we all decided to go to the gate and take Shuttle.
So we trekked to the gate within ten minutes and we were lucky enough not to meet a long queue..
Me: let's take this big one (pointing at one blue shuttle like that)
Tomiwa: Why not this one standing before us?
Systems: Exactly Why!
Lexychills: Systems this is not the time for silly jokes.
Shayo: The thing is if we take this one (pointing at the car before us) we'll likely get there 3.1433 seconds before the other one BUT we'll.....
Lexychills: Shayo! Shut up.
Solomon: All these engineering students (pointing at Tomiwa, Systems and Shayo) they have problem.
Me: Well, in the light of Conservation of mass... I believe our total mass before reaction should be equal to our total mass after reaction So why don't you let us split up, we'll meet at the car pack.
.... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... ........ ........ ........ ..........
Some few blocks to the lecture theatre we were supposed to have the test, one could see the seriousness of students. (Literary) The Air there was different, more CO2 than O2.
People were greeting themselves in quantum spin (don't knw if there's anything like that tho)
Hey! I managed to reply to the 'Hi' that came from a lady in my department.
I knew the 'Hi' means 'come here, you'll teach me in the hall'
So I made my 'Hey' sound like 'Hey pretty lady. You don't wanna do this. This nigga is empty headed'
... ..... ....... ....... ....... ...... ...... ....... ..... ....... ....... .............. .....
I brought out my handout, started browsing through the pages, then all of a sudden I saw Systems coming towards me and smiling at me.
What's this bro up to? I asked myself.
....Swzzzp
He snatched my handout and ran away. (Saying something like 'you want to read for Africa shey?' )
Haaa! This crazy fellow. I pointed at him and for a moment I felt like screaming 'Wayray re o'. But its of no use, come to think of it, this is not a random rap battle or some kind of barbecue day. So I just stood there and started calculating my chances of getting a 60% in the test.
Not Bad!! I reassured myself.
.... .... ...... ...... ....... ....... ...... ...... ..... ..... ..... ...... ...... .....
In the hall, we were all shuffled and re-Shuffled but somehow Systems found his way around my table, two sits to the left in my front. So we had this adjacent view of each other. I knew it wasn't for any good. He's not the type that will teach you he's the type that will mock you.
So the test started. And after eating the pen for 10minutes straight. There was nothing left to eat in the pen. Come to think of it. pen manufacturers don't use sugar or milk as ink. So I just re-read the questions and waited patiently for inspiration. Making sure I didn't look at Systems but I could sense he was already making that God-don-catch-you-face.
.. 1100 10011 1100011 10000001 100100111 10010011. ...
That was inspiration coming in Machine language. I know my God doesn't speak low-level language so I knew that inspiration wasn't for me either. Maybe for someone who has Offended Him. So I continued waiting for mine.
Get ready to stop!
Yeh!! This time I was looking at the window to see if someone is blocking my 'inspiration'. Ten minutes more! Then it came. And I was writing at the speed of light. This time I wanted Systems to see so I looked at him, he was shocked. Then he said;
Jay! Number 2!
I looked at him and I was like TFY.
I raised My hand up to the invigilator's attention. Sir! This guy is disturbing me. (It was a bomb, Everyone busted into laughter)
The man came around, collected his paper and asked him to stand Up.
(You never see anything. I smiled at him)
... ..... ....... ........... ............ ............. ............... ............ We didn't talk throughout the day.
..........At night in biobaku hall. 8:30pm. I came back from tutorials just to see systems standing at the corridor listening to music and drinking tea (the tea didn't look hot from far but I could hear him making the arrh sound. Maybe its another joke. This time I didn't care.
How far? I said (trying to sound as if nothing happened) he didn't reply. I move near him, put my hand around his shoulder, 'bro we be guys na' you no fit vex for me.
I no dea Vex! He said in a semi-audible tone.
You sure? I asked (as I gestured towards his cup trying to ask for some) he gave the tea to me , lo and behold it was not a tea. It tasted like salt added to a mixture of raw custard. And to make it worst, it was warm.
Systems! I shouted. You're evil. How many people have you pranked?
He just smiled and said nothing.
Still with the bad taste in my mouth I tried to spit downstairs, just then. I Saw a porter standing directly below us.
Hmmmmmmmmmm. This is my best chance to exert revenge.
Systems baba! Hw far? Make I drink more. (He looked at me and pointed the cup towards me)
You like am? He asked.
I like am. I replied and just as he was about to hand the cup over I turned the cup and its content poured on the porter standing downstairs.
Arrrrrrrrhhhh The man screamed. Who is that? Who is that?
I quickly move behind systems and pushed him forward so the porter could see his face.
Say sorry jhoor. I said trying to sound as if I was helping the situation.
Ehm.. Sorry, sorry Sir. He said. I ran away, first into the room, telling them of what I've done to systems and the porter.
Bwahahahahahahah. They all laughed.
As a sharp guy, I knew the porter and even his fellow 'porters' will soon be here and probably they'll call Alpha Base and their Baba blue crew to arrest systems.
So I carried my bag and left for my faculty for overnight reading.
...Few blocks away from biobaku hall one could hear the sound system:
ATTENTION BIOBAKU BOYS!
ATTENTION BIOBAKU BOYS!
Following what happened this night... It is now a grave offense to....
I didn't wait to hear the rest. But I knew one thing for sure.
Systems would have his worst night that night.
........ ........ ...........I was so happy and over-excited that I didn't notice I left my Odomos cream(mosquito repellant) back in the hall. I also had a terrible night that night.
The next day I came back in the morning to hear the full gist of what happened to systems.
He slept in Alpha Base that night and was still in detention that morning. I was required to come and write statement too. To testify that it was a mistake. My roommates told me he claimed to have poured the drink on the porter mistakenly because of the joke I cracked 'when he was laughing carelessly'.
Hmmm what a smart guy. I said.
I made sure he spent 24 hours 'behind bars' (imaginative bars tho).
At night I went there to 'bail' him. He was smiling throughout. And when We left the place he didn't forget to say his 'TAINKS' as usual. We cracked jokes till we got to the front of 'biobaku estate' then he stopped and asked me in his crazy tone;
Waliiiii! You dea mad o? Why you set me up? ( I knew he was serious this time around because he called me by my first name 'Waliu')
I patted him on his shoulder and then I said;
'30 hours outside for 24 hours behind bars' that sounds like a fair deal bro !!!
We both laughed it off. Then we shook hands and chorused GAME OVER.
.
To be continued... Episode 6 (The Lagoon front... )
No comments:
Post a Comment